I Was Sitting In The Toilet And

I've Never Been Mean-spirited, In My Opinion. I Never Did Anything Below The Belt.

You Can't Study Comedy; It's Within You. It's A Personality. My Humor Is An Attitude.

I Don't Really Tell A Joke, I React To Situations. The Whole Thing Is Just Looking At Somebody And Showing All Our Weaknesses And Exaggerating Them, And That's How It Becomes Funny.

Al Capone's My Uncle. The Old Days Were A Lot Different. The Latin Casino Was The Big Time. When I Got There I Figured That I Was Doing Pretty Good, Because Remember, I Started In Nothing But After Hours Joints. I Can't Even Name Them Now, But That's How I Got Noticed.

Eddie Fisher Married To Elizabeth Taylor Is Like Me Trying To Wash The Empire State Building With A Bar Of Soap.