I Was A Very Confident Little Kid.

I Guess What I Would Tell Women Is To Get Their Education First, Before Having Kids. That Way They Can Keep Their Options Open Down The Road. I Also Think That It Shouldn't Necessarily Be An Issue Just For Women, That Men Should Be Part Of The Stay-home Discussion Too.

I Want Every Day To Be The Most Boring News Day Ever. I Want Every Day To Be About Spelling Bee Champions And Baby Basketball. It's Better To Have No Comedy Material Than A Horrific News Day.

Some People Work With A Trainer, Some People Work With A Stylist. I Work With A Celebrity Fecalist. A Fecalist Is Basically A Person Who Comes And Collects My Stools, And Then Examines Them To See If I'm Eating Right And If I Should Be Drinking More Water And What My Moods Should Be.

Let's Review The Cost-free Techniques That We've Learned So Far For Raising An Achievement-oriented, Obedient, Drug-free, Virgin Adult: Calamity, Praise, Local Theater, And Flat Feet. Another Key Element Is "strong Father Figure / Fear Thereof."

The First Time I Went To See A Second City Show, I Was In Awe Of Everything. I Just Wanted To Touch The Same Stage That Gilda Radner Had Walked On. It Was Sacred Ground.