I Was A Prefect At School, I

When I Go To One Of Those Singles Dating Parties I Believe Myself To Be A Bowl Of Fruit. When I Talk To Potential Dates, I Judge Them By The Smile In Their Lips, Their Smoothness Of Speech, And The Whiteness Of Teeth; Then I Offer Them The Appropriate Fruit, Which Is Usually A Lemon.

My Mum Loves Cats So I Took Her To See The Lion Cubs Which At About A Year Old Are Actually Quite Big. She Wasn't Scared At All And Went Straight Over And Kissed One On The Mouth! She Thought They Were Just Like Her Pets At Home.

People Have Been Able To See That As Cheeky And As Flirty As I Am, I Am Not The Dreadful Slapper That The Press Used To Portray Me As. But It Will Probably All Turn Around And People Will Hate Me Again In A Couple Of Years.

It Is Going To Take A Very Brave Man To Love Me.

I Never Believed I Wouldn't Make It - And Perhaps That's Why I've Always Found Work. I've Always Stuck At Everything I've Ever Done. I Absolutely Won't Give Up.