I Was A Prefect At School, I

When I Go To One Of Those Singles Dating Parties I Believe Myself To Be A Bowl Of Fruit. When I Talk To Potential Dates, I Judge Them By The Smile In Their Lips, Their Smoothness Of Speech, And The Whiteness Of Teeth; Then I Offer Them The Appropriate Fruit, Which Is Usually A Lemon.

My Mum Loves Cats So I Took Her To See The Lion Cubs Which At About A Year Old Are Actually Quite Big. She Wasn't Scared At All And Went Straight Over And Kissed One On The Mouth! She Thought They Were Just Like Her Pets At Home.

I Want To Be Buried With A Mobile Phone, Just In Case I'm Not Dead.

In The Past, I've Thrown Myself Into Work So Much There's Been Very Little Room For Anything Else.

I Should Have Been Out There Having A Wild Time Like All The Other Girls My Age, But I Wasn't. I Was Going Home Every Night To What Was, Initially, A Very Happy Marriage.