I Used To Do Stuff At College.

People Come Up To Me In Supermarkets And Demand Humour. And The Less Amusing I Am, The More They Piss Themselves. So I Say, "i'm Doing My Shopping, Mate, Ok?" And The Guy Will Be On The Floor In Hysterics. Quite Odd. Eventually I Do Have To Say Something Funny So I Usually Go For Something Pathetic Like, "it's A Nice Place To Shop But I Wouldn't Like To Live Here!" And They Roar Again. Wet Themselves. I'm Lucky Though That I Am Not Massively Famous, I Can Get The Tube Without Much Bother. Must Be Awful Being The Beckhams.

I Am Of The Very Last Generation Who Didn't Have Computers At School. As We Grow Old We'll Become Something Of An Aberration.

I'm Not Mother Teresa. But I'm Not Frank Bough, Either. I Am Getting Older And A Bit More Sensible. I'm Not Going To Be Popping Up In Dungeons Every Six Months. If You Catch Me Preaching Fidelity While I Am Shagging Chickens Then Throw The Book At Me. Otherwise, Leave Me Alone.

If Things Don't Come Easy To You, You Have To Pull A Rabbit Out Of A Hat.

I Like To Do Movies That Provoke Rather Than Reinforce Conservative Values.