I Used To Do My Dad Smoked,

I Live In California, The Worst Place In The World For Fat People. There Are Three Of Us. They Have Us On Eight-hour Shifts, So It Works Out.

I'm A Big Game Show Fan. When You're A Poor Person, You Watch Game Shows. I Don't Think People Realize That. Maybe Everybody Watches Game Shows, But When You're Poor, You Live Vicariously Through Those People.

I Think Splash Made People Realize That I Was Still Alive, And I Think I Inspired A Lot Of People. I Have People Coming Up To Me All The Time In The Airport Saying, "hey, You Inspired Me To Learn How To Swim!" "you Inspired Me To Start Moving Around More." "you Inspired Me To Start Doing More For Myself." So That Was Good. But Mostly I Took It Because Nobody Had Given Me A Job. And You Know What Really Matters In Life, Right?

Azhar Usman Is A True Original And Will Laugh The Hate Right Out Of You.

I Have A Cousin Ernie Who Buys Stuff. He's Got A Big Snowblower That's Actually The Biggest Snowblower You Can Buy, With A Remote Control, So He Doesn't Even Have To Go Outside. He's Got The Microwave And A Satellite Dish, It's All In One. He Cooks And Watches At The Same Time.