I Try To Only Eat Animals That

When You Hear Bacon Cooking....that Sizzling Sound Isn't The Fat Cooking....that's Applause.

Bacon Is Like The Opposite Of Medicine. It's Like, "take That, Lipitor."

Life Is A Little Easier For Attractive People. Think About It: If A Stranger Smiles At You And They’re Attractive, You Think, ‘oh, They’re Nice,’ But If A Stranger’s Ugly, You’re Like, ‘what Do They Want? Get Away From Me, Weirdo.

Anyone Know If The Shuttles To Hell Will Have Wifi? Asking For A Friend.

Isn't It Strange -- When You're Single, All You See Is Couples, And When You're Part Of A Couple, All You See Are Hookers.