I Try To Only Eat Animals That

You Ever Talk About A Movie With Someone That Read The Book? They're Always So Condescending. 'ah, The Book Was Much Better Than The Movie.' Oh Really? What I Enjoyed About The Movie: No Reading.

I Am A Guy Who Talks About Bacon And Escalators.

Twitter Allowed Me To Talk About Parenting In Short Snippets And Find Out What I Really Wanted To Say About It, Which Is That I'm A Dad Who Had No Idea What He's Doing.

Most Single Guys I Know Think Fatherhood Is Terrifying.

The Reason I Say I'm A Horrible Person Is I Don't Want Myself To Be Presented As Somebody Who's A Great Catholic.