I Think Mitt Romney Is A Symptom.

We've Created Over 200,000 Jobs Every Month This Year. Hasn't Happened In 17 Years. I Guess My First Question Is, When Do The Republicans Stop Calling It 'obama's Economy'?

Jesus Is Not A Candle. A Company In South Dakota Is Selling Candles With The Scent Of Jesus. You Light One And Your Friends Says, Christ, What's That Smell?

I Want You Teabaggers Out There To Understand One Thing: While You Idolize The Founding Fathers And Dress Up Like Them, And Smell Like Them, I Think It's Pretty Clear That The Founding Fathers Would Have Hated Your Guts. And What's More, You Would've Hated Them. They Were Everything You Despise. They Studied Science, Read Plato, Hung Out In Paris And Thought The Bible Was Mostly Bulls**t.

The Whole Dating Ritual Was Different When I Was A Kid. Girls Got Pinned, Not Nailed.

In Ancient Times They Sacrificed The Virgins. Men Were Not About To Sacrifice The Sluts!