I Think I'm More Of A Guardian

When I Watched Lifetime Original Movies, It Took Me A Day Or Two To Get Over The Idea That The Cute Boy Next Door Is Actually A Serial Killer.

My Life Sucks When I’m Only Half-aware Of It. If I Quit Drinking And Saw What It’s Really Like, I’d Probably Jump Off A Bridge.

There Was No Sign Of Jules. “bad News,” Said Elliot. “the Man Is Sick. You’re Going To Have To Settle For Me.” “sick?” Vee Demanded. “how Sick? What Kind Of Excuse Is Sick?” “sick As In It’s Coming Out Both Ends.” Vee Scrunched Her Nose. “too Much Information.

Dante Said, “i Tried Talking Nora Into A Ride, But She Keeps Blowing Me Off.” “that’s Because She Has A Hard-a Boyfriend. He Must Have Been Homeschooled, Because He Missed All Those Valuable Lessons We Learned In Kindergarten, Like Sharing. He Finds Out You Took Nora For A Ride, He’ll Wrap This Shiny New Porsche Around The Nearest Tree.

I Held Out My Hot Dog, Which Had Grown Cold. “do You Want This?” “no Way. You’re Going To Need It. If Anything Bad Happens, Just Take A Bite. Ten Seconds Later, You’ll Feel All Warm And Happy Inside.