I Think Absurdist Humor Is Funny.

I Was 18 When I Started. I Was Hanging Out With Some Friends And They Asked If I Had Tried Stand-up Before. I Hadn't, But I Thought: 'what The Hell?' So I Went To An Open Mic Night, And I Liked It.

The Hardest Part About Rollerblading Is Telling Your Parents You're Gay.

I Went To A Place Recently I Think Is One Of The Most F**ked Up Places I've Ever Been To. I'm Convinced This Place Is The Epitome Of American Excess, Of American Greed. I'm Talking About A Place Called Cold Stone Creamery. Whoa. If You Have Not Been There, The Basic Gist Of Cold Stone Is That They Take Ice Cream And Then They Just Go Ape Sh*t With It.

Why Would Anyone Get Married And Have Babies? That's The Dumbest Idea I've Ever Heard In My Life. Or The Scariest Thing I've Ever Heard In My Life.

Yeah, I've Been A Little Down. Totally Natural. I'm Getting A Divorce, But Now I'm Ready To Pull Myself Up By Some G-strings.