I Love You Above All Things, Even

As A Teacher Of Fourth-graders In A Public School, Where Corporal Punishement Was Not Allowed, She Had Years Of Violence Stored Up And Was, Truth Be Told, Sort Of Enjoying Letting It Out On Kona, Who She Felt Could Have Been The Poster Child For The Failure Of Public Education.

It’s Like He Has This Power Over Me—like I Have An Eating Disorder And He’s A Package Of Oreo Double Stuff Cookies.

Not Unlike The Toaster, I Control Darkness.

. . . You Seem Upset, Charlie. Is Something Wrong? Charlie: No, No, I’m Okay, I Just Had To Take Directions From A Mute Beaver In A Fez To Get Here, It’s Unsettling.

Stop," I Said. "please Do Not Further Endorken Yourself To Me. You Have Great Hair And A Car That Is Most Fly, And You Have Just Saved Me With Your Mad Ninja Driving Skills, So Do Not Sully Your Heroic Hottie Image In My Mind By Further Reciting Your Nerdy Scholastic Agenda. Don't Tell Me What You're Studying, Steve, Tell Me What's In Your Soul. What Haunts You?" And He Was Like, "dude, You Need To Cut Back On The Caffeine.