I Love Tinkle, It's Really The Most

I Hate Bumper Stickers, You Can't Sum Anything Up. All You Do Is Paint Yourself In Some Caricaturist Corner.

There Were A Handful Of Shows That Were Just Painful. Not Many, But Things Where I Just Said Going Into It, "why Am I Here? What Am I Doing?"

I've Never Written Jokes. I Mean, I'll Write Things On A Piece Of Paper And Riff On Them Onstage.

What Happened To Our Friendship? I Really Think It's Our Obligation As Friends To Be Brutally Honest And Be Frank With Them And Say, 'look, I'm Sorry, But Your Baby Is Fking Boring.'

In New York, You Are Constantly Faced With This Very Urgent Decision That You Have To Make, About Every Twenty Minutes...you Have To Decide, Immediately, You Have To Go "ohmigod. Do I Look At The Most Beautiful Woman In The World Or The Craziest Guy In The World?"