I Love Tinkle, It's Really The Most

Because You've Been On Dates Where Y'know, You Forget To Open Your Eyes And Wear Pants And Speak English.

I Recently Attended A Pro-drug Rally... In My Basement.

I Really Don't Have A Problem With Gay Marriage... Because I'm Tolerant And Rational.

What Happened To Our Friendship? I Really Think It's Our Obligation As Friends To Be Brutally Honest And Be Frank With Them And Say, 'look, I'm Sorry, But Your Baby Is Fking Boring.'

I'm Not A Centrist, And There's Nothing About Me That's Centrist. I Never Have Been.