I Love Having An Open Seat Next

Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Being Watched, But Then I Remember That My Show Was Canceled Three Years Ago.

You Can Say 'thanks,' And You Can Say 'thanks A Million' - But Any Number In Between?

For Me And Most Of My Friends Who Are Comedians, If You've Been Doing Comedy For A While, Your Tolerance For Things Actually Moves. I Find It Very Hard To Be Shocked, And When Other People Aggressively Take Offense To Something, I'm Sometimes Confused.

A Human Head Looks The Least Scary When It Is Attached.

It Would Be Nice If People Said, God Bless You Not Just When You Sneezed But Also When You Farted.