I Love Comedians. They're My Community.

The Thing Is, Comedy's Gone In A Weird Direction. People Are Really Into Ironic Comedy And Fakeness And Cleverness.

You Know, The People Who Do Indie Film And Decide Who Gets Those Little Budgets? They're Mean, Man. They're Cold And Very Cool-oriented.

We Have White People Problems In America. You Know What That Is? That's When Your Life Is Amazing, So You Just Make Stuff Up To Get Worried About.

Someday, One Of Your Friends Is Gonna Get Divorced, It's Gonna Happen, And They're Gonna Tell You. Don't Go, 'ohhhh I'm Sorry.' That's A Stupid Thing To Say. First Of All You're Making 'em Feel Bad For Being Really Happy, Which Isn't Fair. And Second Of All: Divorce Is Always Good News. I Know That Sounds Weird, But It's True, Because No Good Marriage Has Ever Ended In Divorce. It's Really That Simple.

My Last Name Is Szekely. Sounds Like Saykay. When I Was A Little Kid I Had An Instructor In Camp Who Called Me Shnizneckely. He Would Make Fun Of My Name And It Hurt My Feelings Because I Was A Little Pussy And I Cried. He Said, 'well, How Do You Say It?' I Said, Seekay. So He Wrote 'c.k' On My Jersey And Everything. He Made My Name 'c.k' And I Just Stuck With It.