I Knew There Was A Story; Once

Payments To The Disabled Are Getting Slashed And People Like Me Are Getting A Tax Cut. Who Could Possibly Think That Is A Good Thing?

At Twenty Life Was Like Wrestling An Octopus. Every Moment Mattered. At Thirty It Was A Walk In The Country. Most Of The Time Your Mind Was Somewhere Else. By The Time You Got To Seventy, It Was Probably Like Watching Snooker On The Telly.

I Do Not Tell Lies. Mother Used To Say That This Was Because I Was A Good Person. But It Is Not Because I Am A Good Person. It Is Because I Do Not Tell Lie.

I Like Having My Back Pressed Against A Wall And Being Made To Work Harder So I Don't Embarrass Myself.

I Think People Believe In Heaven Because They Don't Like The Idea Of Dying, Because They Want To Carry On Living And They Don't Like The Idea That Other People Will Move Into Their House And Put Their Things Into The Rubbish.