I Hold A Little Fundraiser Every Day.

I Live By Syllogisms: God Is Love. Love Is Blind. Stevie Wonder Is Blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder Is God. I Don't Know What I'd Believe In If It Wasn't For That.

Comedians Dissect Jokes All The Time. Comedians Are Beautiful Structuralists. But Ultimately It's An Athletic Endeavor.

The Summer Movies Are Coming Out. My Advice: Just Stay Home And Burn A Good Book.

This Is America. We Must Defend The Principles Symbolized By Lady Liberty - Unless She's On The Pill, In Which Case, She Is A Giant Green Tramp.

Like O'rielly, We'll Grab The Most Important Word Of Each Sentence... 'the' For Example. Also, I'll Say, 'i'm Angry,' And The Graphic Will Read, 'colbert Angry.