I Had No Plans To Be A

Our Eyes Met In The Math Class. How Were We To Know That Trigonometry Would Lead To Matrimony?

I Feel All Agitated, Like One Of Those Snow Globes You See Resting Peacefully On Shop Counters. I Was Perfectly Happy Being An Ordinary, Dull Little Swiss Village. But Now Jack Harper’s Come And Shaken Me Up, And There Are Snowflakes All Over The Place, Whirling Around Until I Don’t Know What I Think Anymore. And Bits Of Glitter, Too. Tiny Bits Of Shiny, Secret Excitement.

When I'm On A Break From Writing, I'll Log On To Amazon And Ebay. The Doorbell Is Constantly Being Rung By Deliverymen.

I Can Do This, I Tell Myself Firmly. I Can Be Attracted To Him. It's Just A Matter Of Self Control And Possibly Also Getting Very Drunk. So I Lift My Glass And Take Several Huge Gulps. I Can Feel The Bubbles Surging Into My Head, Singing Happily "i'm Going To Be A Millionaire's Wife! I'm Going To Be A Millionaire's Wife!" And When I Look Back At Tarquin, He Already Looks A Bit More Attractive. Alcohol Is Obviously Going To Be The Key To Our Marital Status.

Everyone Knows Revenge Is A Dish Best Served When You've Had Enough Time To Build Up Enough Vitriol And Fury.