I Got A Call From My Mom

Donald Trump Announced That He Is Not Running For President. He Would Rather Spend His Time Making Gary Busey Sell Snapple On The Street.

There Was An Embarrassing Moment In The White House Earlier Today. They Were Looking Around While Searching For George Bush's Military Records. They Actually Found Some Old Al Gore Ballots.

Everyone Has This Sense Of Togetherness Right Now. For Example, One Guy On The Subway Today, He Wanted To Share My Pants.

New Republican Presidential Candidate Jon Huntsman Is Fluent In Chinese. In A Short Period Of Time The Republicans Have Come Quite A Long Way. The Last Republican President Wasn't Even Fluent In English.

While I Was Gone, I Had Quintuple Bypass Surgery On My Heart. Plus, I Got A Haircut.