I Fink I Gots Deaf On Me

It's Wildly Irritating To Have Invented Something As Revolutionary As Sarcasm, Only To Have It Abused By Amateurs.

If They'd Been Dogs, They Would Have All Been In The Yard Eating Grass And Trying To Yak Up Whatever Was Making Them Feel So Lousy. Not A Bone Gnawed, Not A Ball Chased-all Tails Went Unwagged. Oh, Life Is A Fast Cat, A Short Leash, A Flea In That Place Where You Just Can't Scratch.

Compliment But Do Not Covet.

Charlie Had Sophie Strapped To His Chest Like A Terrorist Baby Bomb When He Came Down The Back Steps. She Had Just Gotten To The Point Where She Could Hold Up Her Head, So He Had Strapped Her In Face-out So She Could Look Around. The Way Her Arms And Legs Waved Around As Charlie Walked, She Looked As If She Was Skydiving And Using A Skinny Nerd As A Parachute.

Don't Be Ridiculous, Charlie, People Love The Parents Who Beat Their Kids In Department Stores. It's The Ones Who Just Let Their Kids Wreak Havoc That Everybody Hates.