I Feel No Sympathy For My Food.

We Live In A World Where In The Movie You Can Disembowel Someone In A Youth Hostel In Romania, But You Can't Show People Having Sex. I Think It's Weird.

Claiming That Someone's Marriage Is Against Your Religion Is Like Being Angry At Someone For Eating A Donut Because You're On A Diet.

I Hadn't Really Done A Comedy Other Than The Ape Since Freaks And Geeks.

I Remember, When I Was An Up-and-coming Comic, How Annoyed I Would Be When The Famous Guys Would Show Up And Just Take Everyone's Spots.

Vegans Are Murderers, Just Like Everyone Else.