I Enjoy Doing Nothing.

You Never See A Pretty, Unattached Girl On A Racecourse. But You Often See Positive Gangs Of Rather Unpretty Ones. They Are The Owners Or The Owners' Wives And They Wear Mink In All Weathers And Far Too Much Make-up. For Some Odd Reason, I Can Never Work Out Why They Always Seem To Be Married To Haulage Contractors In The North, Builders In The South And Farmers In The West.

I Have Stood In A Bar In Lambourn And Been Offered, In The Space Of Five Minutes, A Poached Salmon, A Leg Of A Horse, A Free Trip To Chantilly, Marriage, A Large Unsolicited Loan, Ten Tips For A Ten-horse Race, Two Second-hand Cars, A Fight, And The Copyright To A Dying Jockey's Life Story.

Women Should Have Labels On Their Foreheads Saying, 'government Health Warning: Women Can Seriously Damage Your Brains, Genitals, Current Account, Confidence, Razor Blades, And Good Standing Among Your Friends'.

Oh, To Me Not Drinking Is Like Being Dead, Almost. I Sit Here Taking Endless Journeys Down Memory Lane. It Gets Boring.

Although I Have To Admit I Have Despised A Couple Of People Simply Because They Have Never Had A Job In Their Lives.