I Don't Need A President With A

Only A Woman Can Make You Feel Wrong For Doing Something Right.

The Only Plan I Have Is To Not Do Anything I Don't Want To Do - And To Never Work Just For Money.

Funny Is Only Something That Others Know About You - You Can't Be Funny By Yourself.

Whatever Your Pleasure, I Can Facilitate. You Need Weed, You Need Meth - Hey, You Need Prozac, I'm Your Man. I Know How You White Boys Always Deal With That Depression. I Mean Me Personally, I Don't Understand What You White Boys Are All Depressed About. Hey, You're White! Smile!

The Thing I Try To Get Across To The Writers - And I Do A Lot Of Writing, Too - Is That When I Do Stand-up, Nothing I Talk About Is Funny. Everything Is Really Sad And Tragic And Then I Make It Funny.