I Don't Feel Famous And I Didn't

When I Was A Teenager I Would Lock Myself In The Bathroom For Hours, Bouffanting My Hair Like Patty Duke And Trying To Recreate Barbra Streisand's Flawless Eyeliner, Only To Comb It All Out And Wash It All Off Before Stepping Out Into The World A Butchish Bisexual Teen.

I Never Said I Wanted To Be A Singer For The Rest Of My Life.

Instagram Is A Roman Arena Of Insults. Everyone Is A Lion, But It Is Fun.

This Archaic Idea - That A Woman Who Is Unmarried And Childless At 30 Is Somehow Unnatural - Will Probably Always Exist, And, Like Most Social Standards, It Is Ridiculous.

My Mother Told Me Homer Ditto Was Not My Father. Nope. Mom Had Had A Fling With Some Other Guy Who Was My Dad. Some Dude Who Didn't Stick Around Too Long Who Mom Was Happy To Get Rid Of. She Chose Homer, And Homer Chose Me, So He Lent Me His Name Even Though I Didn't Have His Blood.