I Didn't Rebel As A Child. I

At Some Point I Stopped Stand-up Because I Didn't Have Something To Say On A Nightly Basis.

My Grandparents Invented Joylessness. They Were Not Fun. I've Already Had More Fun With My Grandchildren Than My Grandparents Ever Had With Me.

I've Always Thought That The Key To A Good Sex Life Is Variety. That's Why God Gave Me Two Hands. Humans Love Sex, We Need Sex, It's How We Connect, It Reminds Us We're Alive, It's The Third Most Basic Human Need, After Food And Good Movie Popcorn.

I Think When I Feel I'm At My Best Is When I'm On Stage, And It's My Version Of Jazz Because It's Just Riffing Or Something.

When Comedy Is Good, It's Jazz. The Beats Of It, The Looseness, The Improvisational Part, The Music-the Way You Hit The Inflection, The High Notes Of A Joke. It's All Melody To Me.