I Didn't Become A Comedian To Work

You Get Photographed Together When There's 25 People With You And People Assume That You're Having Sex, Which Is Definitely Not The Case.

I Wish It Was That Easy To Get Turned On For Me - At This Point, I Need A Bottle Of Belevere And A Fighterjet.

Kristen Stewart Always Looks Like She's Posing For Pictures Taken In A Basement By Her Creepy Uncle.

When You See The Veins Popping Out Of My Neck, That's An Exclamation Point.

The L. A. Times Is Reporting That Britney Spears' Album Blackout Will Be Number One On The Billboard Charts. Not To Toot My Horn, But I Predicted This On My Show A Week Ago. No One Wanted To Believe Me - Even I Didn't Want To Believe Me, But Now I Know How Nostradamus Feels.