I Didn't Become A Comedian To Work

Nothing Is More American Than Stuffing Your Face With Loaded Potato Skins While Drinking Loaded Mudslides.

The Only Reason I Think I Would Marry A Foreigner Would Be To Have Kids With Weird Accents.

I Understand That If You're A Kid In Indonesia, You Need To Smoke Because You Just Got Off Work At The Nike Factory.

I Don't Mean To Be A Racist But If You're Going To Get Raped By A Japanese Guy, It's Not Going To Hurt At All.

I Definitely Don't Want To Have Kids ... I Don't Think I'd Be A Great Mother. I'm A Great Aunt Or Friend Of A Mother ... I Don't Want To Spend That Kind Of Time. I Don't Want To Have A Kid And Have It Raised By A Nanny. I Don't Have Time To Raise A Child.