I Didn't Become A Comedian To Work

Laugh Loudly, Laugh Often, And Most Important, Laugh At Yourself.

Another Thing I Take Issue With Are People Who Take Their Dogs On "play Dates," Or Even Worse, People Who Choose To Dress Their Dogs Up In Outfits Better Suited For Homosexuals Participating In A Gay Pride Parade. Dog Costumes Are Right Up There With Something Else I Find Particularly Offensive: Sweater Vests.

Let's All Help Each Other Be A Little Bit Better At Being Human Beings.

It’s True What They Say About Patience Being A Virtue; It Just Happens To Be A Virtue That I Choose Not To Pursue.

I Think They Should Make Twilight Closets And All The Cast Members Can Walk Out Of Them.