I Didn't Become A Comedian To Work

Adults End Up Shading Things And Shading The Truth, And You End Up Lying And Telling People What They Want To Hear.

Tara Reid Is Charging $3,500 For A Personal Appearance Fee. So, For Only $3,500 You Can Either Buy A 1998 Jetta With 130,000 Miles On It... Or Tara Reid, Who Only Has 98,000 Miles On Her.

I Had An Abortion When I Was 16. Because That's What I Should Have Done. Otherwise I Would Now Have A 20-year-old Kid. Anyway, Those Are Things That People Shouldn't Be Dishonest About It.

Obviously You Want To Be Smart Enough To Take Other People's Advice And Take That Into Consideration, And Obviously Try To Surround Yourself With People That Are Smarter Than You. As Far As Sticking To Your Guns, I Think There Is No Better Advice Than To Just Find Something That You Really Give A S - About And Then Go Do It.

Ivory's The Kind Of Girl Who Gets Drunk And Immediately Starts Slurring. I Have A Lot Of Friends Like That, And I Think It's Because It Makes Me Look 'more Together.