I Can Say With A Solid Degree

For A Long Time I Wanted To Draw, But I Could Never Get The Proportions Right. My Still Life Sketches Were The Artistic Equivalent Of Someone Who Has Misjudged The Space Constraints Of A Postcard, The Handwriting Shrinking Uncomfortably At The Bottom.

Every Day Of My Adult Life, I Have Worn At Least One Piece Of Jewelry From My Maternal Grandmother's Collection, All Of Which Were Manufactured By Famed Danish Silversmith Georg Jensen. To The Naked Eye, I Am Either A Jensen Loyalist Or A Grandmother Loyalist. Really I Am Just A Pretty Things Loyalist.

Because, Ten-year-olds Of The World, You Shouldn't Believe What Your Teachers Tell You About The Beauty And Specialness And Uniqueness Of You. Or, Believe It, Little Snowflake, But Know It Won't Make A Bit Of Difference Until After Puberty. It's Newton's Lost Law: Anything That Makes You Unique Later Will Get Your Chocolate Milk Stolen And Your Eye Blackened As A Kid. Won't It, Sebastian? Oh, Yes, It Will, My Little Mandarin Chinese-learning, Poe-reciting, High-top-wearing Friend. God Bless You, Wherever You Are.

I Thought I Was Going To Write Fiction But I Fell Backwards Into Non-fiction. It Started When I Got Locked Out Of Two Apartments In One Day And I Told The Story To Some Friends, One Of Whom Worked In The 'village Voice' And Asked Me To Turn It Into An Essay.

I Love To Bake, So I Made Vanilla Bean And Blueberry Muffins For Sick Hospital Children. Just Kidding! All Of That Is True Except The Sick Children Part.