I Began To Measure Things In Absence

I Have Never Been Normal About My Body. It Has Always Seemed To Me A Strange And Foreign Entity. I Don't Know That There Was Ever A Time When I Was Not Conscious Of It. As Far Back As I Can Think, I Was Aware Of My Own Corporeality, My Physical Imposition On Space.

In That Six Months, So Much Happened That Death Seemed, Primarily, Inconvenient. The Trial Period Was Extended. I Seem To Keep Extending It. There Are Many Things To Do. There Are Books To Write And Naps To Take. There Are Movies To See And Scrambled Eggs To Eat. Life Is Essentially Trivial. You Either Decide You Will Take The Trite Business Of Life And Give Yourself The Option Of Doing Something Really Cool, Or You Decide You Will Opt For The Grand Epic Of Eating Disorders And Dedicate Your Life To Being Seriously Trivial.

Bear In Mind, People With Eating Disorders Tend To Be Both Competitive And Intelligent. We Are Incredibly Perfectionistic. We Often Excel In School,athletics,artistic Pursuits. We Also Tend To Quit Without Warning. Refuse To Go To School,drop Out,quit Jobs,leave Lovers,move,lose All Our Money. We Get Sick Of Being Impressive. Rather,we Tire Of Having To Seem Impressive. As A Rule,most Of Us Never Really Believed We Were Any Good In The First Place.

Never, Never Underestimate The Power Of Desire. If You Want To Live Badly Enough, You Can Live. The Great Question, At Least For Me, Was: How Do I Decide I Want To Live?

...painfully Curious...about How It Feels To Fall.