I Am The Kind Of Person That

He Was So Popular You Could Barely Look At Him Without Being Blinded By Cool.

Skinny Foodie, Get Away From Me.

Once I Saw Paris Hilton Leaving A Restaurant In Hollywood And The Paparazzi Cameras Were All Over Her. It Looked So Unpleasant. It Wasn't Because She Didn't Look Sensational - She Was That Perfect Combination Of Fashionable And Slutty - It Was Because The Paparazzi Guys Were Shouting These Insanely Rude And Intrusive Questions At Her. Like, Asking Her Who She Was Sleeping With And Stuff. I Was Kind Of Interested In The Answer, So I Was Glad They Asked, But It Was Still Gross.

I've Always Had That Chip On My Shoulder. I've Just Always Been Super Hard On Myself.

Future Hipsters Will Love Me Ironically.