I Am Often Drawn To What Appear

Soon Madness Has Worn You Down. It’s Easier To Do What It Says Than Argue. In This Way, It Takes Over Your Mind. You No Longer Know Where It Ends And You Begin. You Believe Anything It Says. You Do What It Tells You, No Matter How Extreme Or Absurd. If It Says You’re Worthless, You Agree. You Plead For It To Stop. You Promise To Behave. You Are On Your Knees Before It, And It Laughs.

When You Believe That You Are Not Worthwhile In And Of Yourself, In The Back Of Your Mind You Also Begin To Believe That Life Is Not Worthwhile In And Of Itself. It Is Only Worthwhile Insofar As It Relates To Your Crusade. It Is A Kamikaze Mission.

I Do Not Remember Very Many Things From The Inside Out. I Do Not Remember What It Felt Like To Touch Things, Or How Bathwater Traveled Over My Skin. I Did Not Like To Be Touched, But It Was A Strange Dislike. I Did Not Like To Be Touched Because I Craved It Too Much. I Wanted To Be Held Very Tight So I Would Not Break. Even Now, When People Lean Down To Touch Me, Or Hug Me, Or Put A Hand On My Shoulder, I Hold My Breath. I Turn My Face. I Want To Cry.

It's Really Interesting To Me How All Of Us Can Experience The Exact Same Event, And Yet Come Away With Wildly Disparate Interpretations Of What Happened. We Each Have Totally Different Ideas Of What Was Said, What Was Intended, And What Really Took Place.

We Know We Need, And So We Acquire And Eat And Eat, Past The Point Of Bodily Fullness, Trying To Sate A Greater Need. Ashamed Of This, We Turn Skeletons Into Goddesses And Look To Them As If They Might Teach Us How To Not-need.