I Am Not Up To This. I

These Days Grief Seems Like Walking On A Frozen River; Most Of The Time He Feels Safe Enough, But There Is Always That Danger That He Will Plunge Through. Now He Hears The Ice Creak Beneath Him, And So Intense And Panicking Is The Sensation That He Has To Stand For A Moment, Press His Hands To His Face And Catch His Breath.

I Think What It Is Is, If You're In School And You're Not That Bright Or Good-looking Or Popular Or Whatever, And One Day You Say Something And Someone Laughs, Well, You Sort Of Grab Onto It, Don't You? You Think, Well I Run Funny And I've Got This Stupid Big Face And Big Thighs And No-one Fancies Me, But At Least I Can Make People Laugh. And It's Such A Nice Feeling, Making Someone Laugh, That Maybe You Get A Bit Reliant On It. Like, If You;re Not Funny Then You're Not...anything

She Wondered If She Was Doomed To Be One Of Those People Who Spend Their Lives Trying Things.

She Was Reaching The Limits Of How Much Its Possible To Change A Man

And They Did Have Fun, Though It Was Of Different Kind Now. All That Yearning And Passion Had Been Replaced By A Steady Pulse Of Pleasure And Satisfaction And Occasional Irritation, And This Seemed To Be A Happy Exchange; If There Had Been Moments In Her Life When She Had Been More Elated, There Had Never Been A Time When Things Had Been More Constant.