I Am No Fan Of Books.

Some People Perceive Me As An Assassin Or At Least Someone Who Can Slip Under Your Guard With A Knife. But If You Watch What I Do, That's Almost Never The Case. I'm Just Trying To Keep The Balloon In The Air. It Rarely Turns Into Anything Combative.

They Said You Can't Go To The Moon. They Said You Can't Put Cheese Inside A Pizza Crust, But Nasa Did It. They Had To, Because The Cheese Kept Floating Off In Space.

Truthiness Is Tearing Apart Our Country, And I Don't Mean The Argument Over Who Came Up With The Word. I Don't Know Whether It's A New Thing, But It's Certainly A Current Thing, In That It Doesn't Seem To Matter What Facts Are. It Used To Be, Everyone Was Entitled To Their Own Opinion, But Not Their Own Facts. But That's Not The Case Anymore. Facts Matter Not At All. Perception Is Everything.

It's Time For Me To Give Out An Award To Newly Elected Majority Leader John Boehner. Mr. Boehner Was Elected Just A Few Days Ago To Reform House Republicans, Who Are Feeling The Heat From Lobbyist Scandals. Well, Cnn Found Out That He Rents His Two-bedroom Apartment From A Lobbyist Who Had Clients Who Had Interests In Legislation That Boehner Sponsored. And For That, Mr. Boehner, You've Just Won A Pair Of Stephen Colbert's Big Brass Balls.

I'm Disappointed That My Own Catholic Church Has Decided That Capital Punishment Is Wrong. Which Is Pretty Hypocritical If You Think About It, Because They Wouldn't Even Have A Religion If It Wasn't For Capital Punishment.