I Am Certainly Not An Authority On

The Weatherman Is Always Right. It's Just His Timing That's Off.

Fatherhood Is Pretending The Present You Love Most Is Soap-on-a-rope.

'don't Worry About Senility', My Grandfather Used To Say.

What's Your Name Again? That's Right. I'm So Glad You Know Your Name.

When The Child Is Twelve, Your Wife Buys Her A Splendidly Silly Article Of Clothing Called A Training Bra. To Train What? I Never Had A Training Jock. And Believe Me, When I Played Football, I Could Have Used A Training Jock More Than Any Twelve-year-old Needs A Training Bra.