Humor Distorts Nothing, And Only False Gods

He Is Your Friend, Your Partner, Your Defender, Your Dog. You Are His Life, His Love, His Leader. He Will Be Yours, Faithful And True, To The Last Beat Of His Heart. You Owe It To Him To Be Worthy Of Such Devotion. Our Dogs Will Love And Admire The Meanest Of Us, And Feed Our Colossal Vanity With Their Uncritical Homage.

A Puppy Is But A Dog, Plus High Spirits, And Minus Common Sense.

Miserliness Is The One Vice That Grows Stronger With Increasing Years. It Yields Its Sordid Pleasures To The End.

The Essence Of Humor Is That It Should Be Unexpected, That It Should Embody An Element Of Surprise, That It Should Startle Us Out Of That Reasonable Gravity Which, After All, Must Be Our Habitual Frame Of Mind.

Wit Is Artificial; Humor Is Natural. Wit Is Accidental; Humor Is Inevitable. Wit Is Born Of Conscious Effort; Humor, Of The Allotted Ironies Of Fate. Wit Can Be Expressed Only In Language; Humor Can Be Developed Sufficiently In Situation.