Hey, A Disclaimer About Me: I’m Rude.

It's Really Sweet When People Tweet At Me And Say I'm Their Spirit Animal Or 'i Wish She Was My Best Friend,' Which Is The Nicest Compliment. For Me, It's Like, Doing Television Is So Personal Because You're In People's Homes, So The Fact That People Feel That Way Means So Much To Me.

I Don't Ever Remember Being Able To Debate With My Parents. Even Though I Thought Of Myself As A Very Bright Kid, I Couldn't Be Vocal In That Way.

Writing, At Its Heart, Is A Solitary Pursuit, Designed To Make People Depressoids, Drug Addicts, Misanthropes, And Antisocial Weirdos.

I Have A Personality Defect Where I Sort Of Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog... It's Because Of My Parents. They Raised Me With The Entitlement Of A Tall, Blond, White Man.

There Are Time When Friends Have Said They Hooked Up With Someone And All It Means Is That They Had A Highly Anticipated Kissing Session. Other Times It's A Full-on All-night Sex-a-thon. Can't We Have A Universal Understanding Of The Term, Once And For All? From Now On, Let's All Agree That Hooking Up = Sex. Everything Else Is 'made Out.' And If You're Older Than Twenty-eight, Then Just Kissing Someone Doesn't Count For Crap And Is Not Even Worth Mentioning. Unless You're Mormon, In Which Case You're Going To Hell.