Happy Cinco De Mayo. If You Don't

Fraser's Mother, Janice, Was Actually Quite A Happy Soul But She Had To Hide It Because, Like All Pseudo Intellectuals, She Thought Being Cheery Made Her Look Stupid, Which Of Course She Was For Believing That Rubbish In The First Place. She Like To Talk About Sartre Sometimes, Just As Insurance.

School Did Give Me One Of The Greatest Gifts Of My Life, Though. I Learned How To Read, And For That I Remain Thankful. I Would Have Died Otherwise. As Soon As I Was Able, I Read, Alone. Under The Covers With A Flashlight Or In My Corner Of The Attic—i Sought Solace In Books. It Was From Books That I Started To Get An Inkling Of The Kinds Of Assholes I Was Dealing With. I Found Allies Too, In Books, Characters My Age Who Were Going Through Or Had Triumphed Against The Same Bullshit.

The Most Popular Valentine's Day Gift Is Chocolate. In The 1800's, Doctors Told Their Patients To Eat Chocolate To Get Over A Broken Heart. They Also Thought If You're Going To Be Alone, Who Cares If You Get Fat.

Valentine's Day Is Celebrated A Little Differently Here In L.a. Nobody Eats Chocolate Because Of The Calories, So People Give Each Other Tofu-shaped Boxes Filled With Bean Curd. Then They Fantasize About What Their Pilates Instructor Would Be Like If He Was Straight.

When I Went Out On Tour As Bing Hitler I Would Hook Up With Lenny And We'd Get Drunk Together. He Was Always Very Supportive. He Was A Big Star And A Lot Of What He Said To Me Had Power And Impact. Apart From That, I Just Like Him.