Halloween: The Day Each Year When Strangers

I Saw A Sign That Said, 'watch For Children.' I Was Like, 'that Sounds Like A Fair Trade - Especially If They're Crappy Kids.'

Your Mind Is Like A Sponge, In The Sense That It Would Come In Handy When Cleaning Off A Countertop Or Something Like That.

I Like To Go To Concerts Because I Love To See My Favorite Band Through The Phone Of The Asshole Who's Standing In Front Of Me.

I Like Fruit Baskets Because It Gives You The Ability To Mail Someone A Piece Of Fruit Without Appearing Insane. Like, If Someone Just Mailed You An Apple You'd Be Like, 'huh? What The Hell Is This?' But If It's In A Fruit Basket You're Like, 'this Is Nice!'

Separate But Equal Is Terrible For Education But It's Perfect For Eyebrows.