For Years, I Ate The Same Foods

The Dog’s Agenda Is Simple, Fathomable, Overt: I Want. “i Want To Go Out, Come In, Eat Something, Lie Here, Play With That, Kiss You. There Are No Ulterior Motives With A Dog, No Mind Games, No Second-guessing, No Complicated Negotiations Or Bargains, And No Guilt Trips Or Grudges If A Request Is Denied.

My Recipe For Bliss On A Friday Night Consists Of A 'new York Times' Crossword Puzzle And A New Episode Of 'homicide;' Saturdays And Sundays Are Oriented Around Walks In The Woods With The Dog, Human Companion In Tow Some Of The Time But Not Always.

Dogs Are Fantasies That Don't Disappoint.

Alcoholism Is The Disease Of More.

Cats Are Narcissistic. Their Needs Come Before Ours. They Don't Understand The Word "no." They Carry Themselves With That Aloof, Arrogant Sense Of Perpetual Entitlement, They Will Jump Up And Insinuate Themselves Wherever They Please--on Your Lap, On Your Newspaper, On Your Computer Keyboard--and They Really Couldn't Care Less How Their Behavior Affects The People In Their Lives. I've Had Boyfriends Like This; Who Needs Such Behavior In A Housepet?