Everything's Amazing Right Now, And Nobody's Happy.

I Like Pressure. Pressure Doesn't Make Me Crack. It's Enabling. I Eat Pressure, And There Might Be Times When I Get A Bad Feeling In My Gut That This Might Be Too Much, But You Feel Pressure When You're Not Doing Something, You Know?

One Thing I Learned From Drinking Is That If You Ever Go Christmas Caroling, You Should Go With A Group Of People. And Also Go In Mid-december.

You Know The Only Thing Happier Than A Three-legged Dog? A Four-legged Dog.

I'd Love To Have A Shitty Job. I Couldn't Hold Any Down. Standup Was The Only Thing I Could Stick With. I'm An Idiot That Way.

I'm Not Motivated To Entertain People Through Twitter, So Just By Having Twitter And Not Saying Anything, I Make People Mad.