Every Year When It's Chinese New Year

Ladies And Gentlemen, After What I've Been Through, I Am Happy Just To Be Wearing Clothes That Open In The Front.

You Know You've Had Too Much To Eat For Christmas Dinner When You Slump Down Onto A Beanbag And Realize... There Is No Beanbag.

The Last Time The French Asked For 'more Proof' It Came Marching Into Paris Under A German Flag

I Like That Sarah Palin. She Looks Like The Flight Attendant Who Won't Give You A Second Can Of Pepsi ... She Looks Like The Nurse Who Weighs You And Then Makes You Sit Alone In Your Underwear For 20 Minutes ... She Looks Like A Real Estate Agent Whose Picture You See On The Bus Stop Bench ... She Looks Like The Hygienist Who Makes You Feel Guilty About Not Flossing ... She Looks Like The Relieved Mom In A Tide Commercial.

They Say There Are About 12 Million Illegal Immigrants In This Country. But If You Ask A Native American, That Number Is More Like 300 Million.