Don't You Understand How Dramatic It Is

From 1936 On, I Have Taken More Falls Than Any Other 20 Comedians Put Together. From The Time I Was 21, I've Taken Them On Everything From Clay Courts To Cement To Wood Floors, Coming Off Pianos, Going Out A Two-story Window, Landing On Dean, Falling Into The Rough. You Do That And You're Gonna Have Problems.

I Get Paid For What Most Kids Get Punished For.

I Tell Young Comics, 'do You Want This Badly Enough? It's There. But You Have To Go Get It. And If You Think I'm Going To Give You The Key To The Lock Of That Door, There Is No Key, There Is No Lock, And There Is No Door.'

I Am Probably The Most Selfish Man You Will Ever Meet In Your Life. No One Gets The Satisfaction Or The Joy That I Get Out Of Seeing Kids Realize There Is Hope.

I've Had Great Success Being A Total Idiot.