Don't Worry, I Know Almost Exactly What

You're So Good Looking I Can Barely Keep My Eyes On The Meter.

What Advice Would I Give The Average Homeowner To Protect Himself Against Burglars? Well, The First Thing Is To Keep A Light On In The House When You Go Out. It Must Be At Least A Sixty-watt Bulb; Anything Less And The Burglar Will Ransack The House, Out Of Contempt For The Wattage.

The Government Is Unresponsive To The Needs Of The Little Man. Under 5' 7", It Is Impossible To Get Your Congressman On The Phone.

The Prettiest Women Are Almost Always The Most Boring, And That Is Why Some People Feel There Is No God.

Just Because You're Paranoid Doesn't Mean They Aren't Out To Get You.