Don't Ever Feel That You Have To

I've Come To Believe That Part Of Lovesickness Comes From This Conflict Between Control And Desire. In Love We Have No Control. Our Hearts And Minds Are Tormented, Teased, Enticed And Delighted By The Overwhelming Strength Of Emotions That Make Us Try To Forget The Real World.

Maybe We're All Like That With Our Mothers. They Seem Ordinary Until One Day They're Extraordinary.

I Am Still Learning About Love. I Thought I Understood It--not Just Mother Love, But The Love For One's Parents, For One's Husband, And For One's Laotong. I've Experienced The Other Types Of Love--pity Love, Respectful Love And Gratitude Love. But Looking At Our Secret Fan With Its Messages Written Between Snow Flower And Me Over Many Years, I See That I Didn't Value The Most Important Love--deep-heart Love.

My Love For Him Had Never Gone Away But Only Changed, Growing Deeper Like Wine Fermenting Or Pickles Curing. It Bore Into Me With The Pervasiveness Of Water Working Its Way To The Center Of A Mountain.

Dreaming, Dreaming, Dreaming -- Weren't Our Dreams What Gave Us Strength, Hope, And Desire?