Democracy Is The Fig Leaf Of Elitism.

When You Go Apartment-hunting In The South, You Encounter Little Old Ladies Who Ask You If You Use Strong Drink. In New York You Encounter Paranoids Who Wonder If You Will Commit Suicide--not That They Care; What They Worry About Is Blood On Their Fresh Paint, A Dubious Smell In The Hallway, Or A Hole In The Awning As You Pass Through On Your Way To The Sidewalk. The Southerner Who Moves To Any Part Of The Country Has Problems, But The Culture Shock That Attacks The Southerner Who Moves North Is Almost Indescribable.

Hereditary Monarchy Offers Numerous Advantages For America. It Is The Only Form Of Government Able To Unify A Heterogeneous People. Thanks To Centuries Of Dynastic Marriage, The Family Tree Of Every Royal House Is An Ethnic Grab Bag With Something For Everybody. We Need This Badly; America Is The Only Country In The World Where You Can Suffer Culture Shock Without Leaving Home. We Can't Go On Much Longer Depending Upon Disasters Like Pearl Harbor And The Iranian Hostage-taking To "bring Us Together.

In Social Matters, Pointless Conventions Are Not Merely The Bee Sting Of Etiquette, But The Snake Bite Of Moral Order.

By Sending The Contradictory Message That The Famous Are Just Plain Folks On Mount Olympus, America Has Forged A Relentless Tension Between Loftiness And Accessibility. Stir In The Fact That The Inborn Talent And Intelligence Needed To Achieve Fame Are Immune To Distributive Tinkering By Government Programs And You Have A Definition Of Fame Certain To Produce Envious Rage: Somebody Screwed Democracy.

The Witty Woman Is A Tragic Figure In American Life. Wit Destroys Eroticism And Eroticism Destroys Wit, So Women Must Choose Between Taking Lovers And Taking No Prisoners.