Deep Frying A Twinkie Makes It Healthy,

Why Do You Have To Be Out Of Town To Write A Postcard? I Want A To Write A Postcard To My Neighbor: "i Still Live Near You!" The Guy Sees Me Go Into My Apartment, Flips The Card Over, It's Just A Picture Of Me Holding A Rifle.

I'd Have To Say Sunset Salsa. Nothing Against Honey Lime, But It's For Losers.

Don't Take This The Wrong Way But I Care More And I'm A Better Online Friend Than You. I Also Spend Way To Much Time Online.

I Told My Son, Who's 11, "look, I Don't Care If You Curse - It's Other People That Care." So We Tried That Experiment, And He Just Cursed All The Time. And I Was Like, "all Right, Now I Care That You Curse." You Try To Have This Idealized View, And It's Like, "i Don't Care." But It's Just Going To Cause Chaos.

My Goal In Life Is To Be As Happy As A Studio Audience.