But I Don't Want To Be A

Having A 2 Year Old Is Like Having A Blender That You Don't Have The Top For.

You Know, Crankiness Is At The Essence Of All Comedy.

What Is This Obsession People Have With Books? They Put Them In Their Houses Like They're Trophies. What Do You Need It For After You Read It?

I Have A Friend Who's Collecting Unemployment Insurance. This Guy Has Never Worked So Hard In His Life As He Has To Keep This Thing Going. He's Down There Every Week, Waiting On The Lines And Getting Interviewed And Making Up All These Lies About Looking For Jobs. If They Had Any Idea Of The Effort And Energy That He Is Expending To Avoid Work, I'm Sure They'd Give Him A Raise.

When Men Are Growing Up And They're Reading About Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... Those Are Not Fantasies ... They're Options.