Bp Has Put More Birds In Oil

Yesterday Was The New York City Marathon. Republicans Won In A Landslide.

Bronco Rick Perry Is The First Candidate I've Ever Heard Say He's Not Doing Well Because He's Sleepy. You Know, We Criticized George W. Bush A Lot, But There Was One Thing He Was Very Disciplined About, And That Was Getting His Full Eight Years Of Sleep.

President Obama And His Wife Are Going To Kenya. Donald Trump Said, 'while You're There, Pick Up Your Birth Certificate.'

Apparently, There's Something Hinky About The New Iphones. They're Not Hooked Up Right. ... There's A Problem With The Antenna. They Don't Like To Be Held - Like My Ex-wife.

Here In New York City, It's Cold. It's So Cold The Republicans Want To Use The Keystone Pipeline To Deliver Soup.