Being Funny Is A Gift, And, When

Tomorrow's Just Your Future Yesterday.

This Story Is True. Of Course, There Are Many Lies Therein And Most Of It Did Not Happen, But It's All True. In That Sense It Is Deeply Religious, Perhaps Even Biblical.

For The First Time In History, Congress Has 100 Women In It. Congratulations. Welcome To Modern Times, America. It's Great Having 100 Women In Congress. Unless You're In Line For The Congressional Bathroom.

Halloween's Eve Is Also Known As Mischief Night. Kids Are Supposed Go Around Playing Pranks Tonight. That's Great, Just What Teenagers Need -- Another Excuse To Be Jerks.

You Know, Where I Come From, An Antique, To Be Called An Antique, It Has To Be At Least A Hundred Years Old. That's A Law: Before You Can Call Something An Antique, It Has To Be A Hundred Years Old. In L.a., Something That's Been Around For A Couple Of Weeks Is An Antique. It's True! People Are Like, Look At This Old-fashioned Ipod. Look At This! It's The Size Of A Man's Hand! Ha Ha Ha Ha. Back Then-back Then, People Thought Mel Gibson Was Just Acting Crazy. It Was A Very Different Time.