Being Funny Is A Gift, And, When

You Know Who They're Blaming For Global Warming Now? This Is True. Fat People.

A Lot Of People In Their 30's Get Nostalgic For Their Teen Years. Then They Get Jobs In Tv, Become Bitter And Jaded And Prematurely Old. Then They Turn Their Nostalgia Into Great Television.

That's Why Credit Card Companies Are Evil. Are They Sponsoring The Show Tonight? ... They Are Evil.

A New York City Judge Struck Down A Proposed Law To Ban Sodas Larger Than 16 Ounces. I Think Mayor Bloomberg Should Spend His Time Trying To Improve Stuff Like Education. New York Needs A Better Education System If Kids Didn't Figure Out They Could Get Around The 16-ounce Soda Ban By Simply Purchasing Two 12-ounce Sodas.

If It Doesn't Work, At Least It Will Be An Interesting Train Wreck.