Baloney Is Just Salami With An Inferiority

I Don't Need A Baby Growing Inside Me For Nine Months. If I'm Going To Feel Nauseous And Achy When I Wake Up, I Want To Achieve That State The Old-fashioned Way: Getting Good And Drunk The Night Before.

You're Gonna Be Ok, Dum De Dum Dum Dum, Just Dance.

So Excited For The Apple Watch. For Centuries, We've Checked The Time By Looking At Our Phones. Having It On Your Wrist? Genius.

Everybody Always Resolves To Start Exercising, But They Never Do. You Know Why ? Because It's January. Who Wants To Go Jogging In The Freezing Cold ?

If We Lose Our Phones, We Lose Our Phone Books. You Don't Memorize Numbers Anymore.