Bacon Is Like The Opposite Of Medicine.

I Think That There's Part Of Me That Feels Like Maybe I Should Have Been More Social.

Isn't It Strange -- When You're Single, All You See Is Couples, And When You're Part Of A Couple, All You See Are Hookers.

I Don't Know About You, But When They First Introduced Bottled Water, I Thought It Was So Funny, I Was Like "bottled Water! Haha, They're Selling Bottled Water! ... I Guess I'll Try It. Ah, This Is Good, This Is More Watery Than Water. Yeah, This Has Got A Water Kick To It."

I'm Kind Of Like A Guy Who's Missing A Little Bit Of The Guy Gene. Like, I Love Steak, But The Notion Of Golfing Is The Last Thing I Would Want To Do. I Love Women, But I'm Also A Mama's Boy, And Some Of My Best Friends Are Women. So I'm Kinda Half Guy's Guy.

I Think Growing Up In Indiana Prepares Anyone For A Life In Comedy. I Do Feel Like There Is A Certain Kind Of Self-effacing Cynicism Among All Hoosiers.