Anyone Can Read The News To You.

Let Freedom Ka-ching...corporations Do Everything People Do Except Breathe, Die And Go To Jail For Dumping 1.3 Million Pounds Of Pcbs In The Hudson River.

I Used To Play A Narcissistic-conservative Pundit. Now, I'm Just A Narcissist.

If You Imitate Someone, You Owe Them A Royalty Check. If You Emulate Them, You Don't. There's A Big Difference. Check Your Lawyer.

I Began My Day As I Often Begin My Days, By Checking Donald Trump's Twitter Feed To See How Far The Crazy Has Spread. And Today, I Really Think He's Off His Meds, Because Today He Went From Crazy To Cruel.

We [comics] Create Our Own Reality On The Show. I'm In A Cocoon Of The Character's Creation. Even Within That Reality, He's In A Cocoon. While I'm An Improviser And Enjoy Discovery, The Show Follows A Script. I Have A Pretty Good Idea What's Going To Happen. It's A Very ­crafted, Controlled Environment.