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Valentines Day Are Coming Up And A German Company Has Made Chokolate In Shapes Of Couples Making Love. I Don't Like Them... I Don't Want My Chokolate To Have More Fun Than Me.

Gary Condit Is On The Congressional Committee For Homeland Security. They Make The Guy Responsible For Homeland Security Who Is The Guy No One Would Feel Secure Going Home With.

When We Finally Have This Recall Election In October, There Could Be As Many As 200 People On The Ballot. And You Know What's Really Scary? Most Of Them Don't Know The First Thing About Driving A State Into Bankruptcy. They're Not Experts Like Governor Gray Davis.

Paris Hilton Got 45 Days In Jail. A Lot Of People Were Upset About This - They Were Hoping For The Death Penalty.

Well, All Across The Country, This Is Kind Of Sad, Unemployment Offices Are Swamped With People Waiting To File For Unemployment Insurance. It's Gotten So Bad That The Offices Are Overwhelmed And Can't Function. I Got An Idea. Why Don't You Hire More People? They're Right There In Line. Speed This Whole Thing Up!